Eat Pray Love

As I mentioned earlier, I've come to realize in the past five weeks since my diagnosis that I am fighting a bigger battle with my self-esteem and my subsequent depression than I am with my cancer. In order to help me find my inner happiness, I am reading "Eat Pray Love," by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I will be continuing to blog about this book for a while as I find that it is helping me to look into my own deep core and helping me to separate what is really real from what was imposed on me through repeated judgements and criticisms that I received in my earlier life.

This installment discusses a quote from a medicine man named Ketut Liyer who Elizabeth Gilbert met in Indonesia. He said to her:

"'To find the balance you want,' Ketut spoke through his translator, 'this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have four legs, instead of two. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart instead, that way you will know God.'"

Right after I read that portion of the book, I fell asleep and I found myself dreaming about a friend who I used to have a big crush on and who was not so nice to me. I dreamt that he and his family were convicted for some horrible crime and the media was just starting to find out about it. I went to visit them in their home which was surrounded by reporters and TV cameras, and right after I arrived in their kitchen, my friend announced that he was going to bed, so I talked to his father for most of my visit. Just before I left, I went to say goodbye to my friend and I leaned over to kiss him on the lips. Then I kissed him again and he said "Can you stop that? I am trying to sleep." And when I woke up I realized that it will be harder than I thought to look at some situations with my heart.