I feel as though my life has slowly returned to its pre-diagnosis state. It started over the course of last week when my son and husband periodically complained about how I don't give them enough money each week. It progressed over the weekend to "Mom, can I borrow your car? Mine is out of gas." And since then it evolved to "Thanks for the $20 for gas to get me back to school." "You didn't give Aaron his lunch money today so he couldn't eat, but I took him out for hot dogs after school." "Can I have $100 for groceries?" "Can I have my lunch money?" "Are you doing more grocery shopping, I've already spent the $100?" "Lunch money, please?" "I haven't paid my therapist in four weeks. I need $80." "I need my lunch money." "Can you pay the fee for me to go to my high school reunion?" "Oh mom, can I have my lunch money?"
And then there were the non-money issues - arranging around one of my surgeries to have my co-workers sign a birthday card for another co-worker, arranging around said surgery to plan a birthday lunch for that co-worker, dealing with a friend who sent me a text at work that read "How depressed do you need to be before you check yourself into a hospital?" and trying to coordinate a crafts table to an uncooperative crew.
Behind my seemingly outward composure I just want to throw up my hands and scream "I'M DEALING WITH CANCER HERE!!" I'm thinking of the man who worked for my father and sought my father's advice in his hospital room three weeks before he died. I am wondering how that man fared without my father.
I've been told that I am a caregiver, but what my "givees" don't understand is that sometimes the caregiver needs caring too.
On the other end of the spectrum, one of my bosses gave me a post-operative care package just before my second surgery and in the bag there was a card that read in part (and I paraphrase) "I know that you find it hard to ask for help, so when I sense that you need it I am going to reach out." This woman knows exactly what I need. In fact, that's all I've ever wanted, feeling like somebody, just one person, is looking out for me. Why have people stopped looking out for one another?
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You make a great point about the need for people to look out for each other. It is what makes us who we are. Sadly, I think much of this has been lost in recent years (I would cite longer work hours and technology enabling a very fast-paced lifestyle)which is has distracted many of us. Oftentimes, we need to sit and think of what is really important and not be so self-interested. Community is important, especially during a crisis.
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